Songs, Thoughts & Randomness

Volume 25: Invader

2011-08-26T15:15:00.000-07:00

In the middle of nowhere I stood,
Seeing the same thing I see everyday,
Doing the nothing I do on a daily basis,
A non meaningful co-existence,
Even when seeing or doing something new,
It was the routine of new for a second,
I learned to not pay attention,
First my own feelings died,
Followed by my vicarious side.

Confusion was the first feeling re-awakened,
A repeated new that broke my non-attention span,
I almost smiled before realizing that's dumb,
And it was dismissed, as I dismissed myself.

This is no longer new,
But an evasion into my co-existence,
Why do you keep coming here?
Why do you think I'm so wonderful?
Everything that's not accepted,
Everything that disgust the world around me,
Is what you want from me.

Now you stand next to me,
In the middle of nowhere,
Giving life to nothingness,
Feeding me your poison,
I know it may hurt me soon,
But it is worth the unknown time we'll remain here,
With your head on my shoulders as we watch the moon.

Volume 24: The Question Most Can't Answer

2011-02-16T15:35:00.000-08:00

I believe this the first essay type entry on my blog. It's about the life long question many have asked themselves "Why are people more attracted to me when I am taken?". I THINK I have a general understanding as into why this happens and would like to share.

After years of observing the behaviors of others and my own. I noticed small details we overlook when we are single and when we are taken.

In men the keys are behavior and maintainance. In general guys behavior are different when they are single from when they're with someone. Single men often seem mildly desperate or too into chicks, while the ones that are taken are more laid back and will not look at women like a tiger sees steak. And from what I've noticed women are more into a little challenge and are not very fond of what comes easy when it comes to relationships.

Maintainance... Guys in general, real men, don't really give a fuck about how they look. If we could look like cavemen and still attract women, we would. So while we are single we only care when it's necessary, if we are going out, when a friend tells us we deseperately need it, ect (ended constructive thinking)... They say in general women like for their man to be presentable and that a healthy relationship involves seeing your partner at least 3 to 4 times a week. Therefore, a guy that is taken keeps himself looking as fresh as possible, hence more women noticing his appereance.

Add to the 2 factors above the fact that women love prohibit fruit and can't stand seeing another woman happy; and kazaaam you are a man wanted by the ladies.

Now about women. Women always have someone trying to be with them one way or another, no matter how ugly or fat they are, there will always be someone willing to be with them. So I say women only say men are more attracted to them when they have someone, due to them not being into the guys that were into them when they were single, and when they do find the one that's good for them, they notice all the other options they put to the side.

Volume 23: My Generation

2011-02-01T13:05:00.001-08:00

My generation respects no one,
Not even ourselves,
A generation full of strong personalities,
And the ones that counterfeit themselves,
Counterfeits sell themselves,
With each sell they're devalued to their true worth,
The strong, are in general... Minorities,
Our previous generation is closeminded and the upcoming is lost,
But those who criticize our generation, forgot who raised it.

Volume 22: Follow The Black Brick Road

2010-12-09T14:19:00.000-08:00

Every road I go down seems to be longer than the last one,

Every new girl seems to be more of an illusion then the last one,

I have to suture up my future,

Is not that I am jaded I just hate it,

See I have been down this road too long,

It's kind of hard to explain,

Done and buried all I carried,

All my evil is reflected in smoke,

What was and what will, they're all gone,

Don't sweat it, just smoke to forget it,

To feel like you've already gone,

To the rest of, the rest of the life that you've got,

I tried to fake it, I just can't take it,

I won't waste it, I turn to face it,

I have given my love away,

To things that tore it apart,

So if you love me let me go,
And run away before I know,
My heart is just too dark to care,
I can't destroy what isn't there,

I don't care if it hurts,

I tried explaining, I'm done explaining...

Volume 21: At The Top

2010-09-22T15:13:00.000-07:00

I'm going to have a sweet life,

Sweetest life you've ever seen,

And when it's all said and done,

Gonna go to sleep in a field of green,

She's there because I want it all,

And she was there when I won it all,

But she's scared that I have it all,

You wouldn't get far,

Even though you don't feel alright,

In-spite of the all the comforting sounds I make,

Let us blend our hearts to share our solitudes,

Nothing is pure anymore anymore but solitude,

It's hard to make sense feels as if you are sensing me through a drum,

If someone else comes you'll just sit there listening to the sound,

Honestly I'll try to avoid,

But in this field of green,

Nobody has gained or accomplished anything.

Interlude: Komm Susser Tod (Come Sweet Death)

2010-07-27T18:20:00.000-07:00

Volume 20: Director

2010-07-21T18:58:00.000-07:00

Life comes in Sets of choices,

You have the choice if friends, loved ones, careers, material, music... Amongst others.

When you are single, you will receive a Set of people to choose from,

When you are poor, every now and then you will have extra cash and a Set of things to choose from, such as; "Which debt should I pay first?" or "What should I buy?"

These are just 2 out of countless examples...

You are the Director of your life, limited by your producer of course

And not every Director has the privilege of has his own Special Director's Cut Edition in life,

Every choice taken in life will lead to another choice, another regret and another "What If?"

Whenever things are not as expected,

Life is not a bitch,

People are not assholes,

You simply made the wrong choice(s),

You Directed your life wrong!

Volume 19: Two Words (My Life)

2010-07-08T16:53:00.000-07:00

One flight,
New land,
Old crush,
New love,
Sperm donor,
Bastard child,
Many issues,
No money,
Welfare checks,
Not enough,
Ambitious child,
Starts hustling,
Learned quick,
Made connections,
Crooked cop,
Favorite uncle,
More wisdom,
Longer money,
Issues hidden,
First enemies,
New drama,
Issue solved,
No drama,
Stupid teenager,
Loves shinning,
Unsaved money,
Big grinding,
Many bitches,
Still unhappy,
Business falls,
Short money,
Few bitches,
Double issues,
Leaves country,
New life,
Issues followed,
Views life,
Better understanding,
Real friends,
Better life,
No love,
Many hoes,
Hustling visas,
False hopes,
Broken hearts,
New hobby,
Goes dark,
Always surrounded,
Still lonely,
Forgot love,
Became allergic,
Takes risks,
Loves danger,
Can't find,
Others suffer,
He smiles,
Problematic child.

Volume 18: Bittersweet

2010-06-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

I wish you were stuck up a tree,
Then you'd know it's nicer below,
Don't know any lullabies,
I Don't know how to make you mine but, I can learn,
Most of our lives we try so hard to find the time,
You suffered then, now suffer unto me,
Hear the wind whispering my name,
You can run away leaving everything behind but,
You should look back twice,
Just to be on the safe side,
No harm will come of this one little midnight kiss,
In a big, big way,
I am really small,
I get off my feet,
But I'm still distant,
I wont care for you,
Like I'm really supposed to,
There are things I'll do,
That could really hurt you,
Don't you just love goodbyes?

Volume 17: Humanity

2010-06-23T18:28:00.000-07:00

What am I? I am myself,. This Object is myself. It's a shape of myself, a visible self. But I don't feel like I am myself. It's very strange.

Everyone has another self within them. Two figures make one individual. The one seen by others and the one's looking at them.

It's difficult to live with people if you're fastidious. You'll understand that once you discover that you're ruined.

Even if we want to warm each other, the closer we get, the more we hurt each other.

You become uninterested in others but, you hate loneliness.

Volume 16: The Guide Few Follow

2010-04-06T13:24:00.000-07:00

There is no such thing as absolute happiness as there is nothing that is forever,
There are just happy moments,
Friends will come and go,
Relationships will all fail eventually,
Objects will get old &/or forgotten,
Your sex drive will die before you do (If you make it to such age),
Your seeds will disappoint you constantly.

Life for the most part is a routine,
Therefore enjoy all the moments you are able to get off that routine and make you smile but,
Always remember those moments as they are buried in the past and will not repeat themselves,
Let nothing stand in the way of creating new memories of your limited happiness,
I mean absolutely nothing...

...Death to all those whom dare to make you stay in the infinite routine loop of life.

Learn from your "friends" best traits as eventually either side will move on to a different path in life,
Do not love anything that cannot love you back &/or will eventually stop loving you (Love is like crack it is a first time experience that you will never re-live and you are an idiot if you choose to do so,
Make your home your castle! If you are not comfortable in your home, you will not be comfortable in the world,
Stop listening to the unnecessary and leave behind does whom don't agree.

Volume 15: Only You

2010-01-15T10:06:00.001-08:00

The one's you've created,
Have lost their smile,
Can't seem to find their way,
Said you'd show them how,
So I played my part,
Then you played me foul,
You killed the lost ones,
And re-created a forced smile,
Put the blood on my sleeves,
Told them not to take my hand,
Then your mistakes started to repeat,
So you re-created adding more blood to your sleeves,
That I will be blamed for with your smile.

During the midst of your ignorance your seed was born,
gave him minimum powers and left him to be,
If you did this to your own child,
There no hope for humanity,
Watching as he was tortured you gave up on existence,
Left me the dirty work to me,
Left us 10 impossible laws to follow,
Who'd knew the all mighty was so hollow.

So sad you could stay forever,
Won't you guide us... Since only you could stay forever,
So sad you could stay forever,
Please come fix your mistake... Since only you could stay forever,
So sad you could stay forever,
Watching us walk towards a dead end with your hands crossed... But only you could stay forever.

Volume 14: Seed In The Dirt

2009-11-11T09:00:00.000-08:00

She is a seed living beneath the soil,
A seed who rejects water to never spring,
She is affraid of the world that lies above her,
Will she spring into a beautiful sunflower beneath the shiny sun?
Or will she be a small tree in the darkest Forrest?

Within the soil that sorround her she does not have to worry about such things,
But is this a better way to live?
Yes she is avoiding getting hurt but, at the same time she is unable to find happiness.

As time passes the water in this world is more polluted,
And places where mother earth is still elegant are ceasing to exist,
So please little seed drink the water I give you,
I shall put you in a vessel and carry you with me at all times,
Showing you the little happiness and the beauty this earth has to offer.

Volume 13: Irresponsible

2009-10-21T17:33:00.000-07:00

I was wrong,
When you was away,
I just hoped that you were alright,
I just prayed that you would survive,
That's all,
I thought that all I needed was to hold you,
But... I was wrong!

Just holding you,
Won't make up,
For the time I left you alone,
It's impossible to make up for that,
The time I lost myself,
The time I left her alone,
I went away from her.

I am defeated,
By the helplessness of one person,
When was...,
The last time she smiled?

Volume 12: Stuck Between Waiting & Moving On

2009-10-16T21:01:00.000-07:00

Will the end be dead or will it be the path into happiness?
Should I acelerate or do a u-turn?
Not advancing either way is hurtful,
But so is making a decision.

I wonder if I’ll never be free,
But the thought of choosing the wrong road,
And you Goin with another guy,
Could it never be me?

Take the wheel and drive me to the end,
I'm your passenger,
Hope and pray you won’t throw this love away,
I just wish that you were mine.

Volume 11: The Light That Shined In The Darkness

2009-10-09T14:53:00.000-07:00

Your light shined into the comfort of my darkness,
Blinding the bats that have protected my heart,
Each bat slowly unhinged their jaw,
As they were blinded by your light,
As they were being bothered by the light,
They started flying elsewhere,
Creating a painful relief,
Your bittersweet lies blinded them, scared them,
Confusing me with a warm tingly sensation,
Your light took my sight, my speech, my hearing and my soul,
It became the life that I must feel,
Deep down inside I felt a scream but, this terrible feeling stopped me,
As I woke up I couldn't see that there's not much left of me,
Nothing was real but you,
At that moment your light vanished,
The bats regained their conscience,
Then marched their way back to my heart,
This time biting me harder, promising to never let another light shine into my heart,
With each bite I was brought back to the comfort of my darkness...

Thank you for making me darker.

Interlude: Seasons In The Sun

2009-09-29T12:24:00.000-07:00

Goodbye my friend, it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
And all the flowers are everywhere
Pretty girls are everywhere
"Think of me and I'll be there."

Goodbye, papa, please pray for me
I was the black sheep of the family
"I don't know all these words
I have bought three turds
With my BB-gun I would kill birds"

We had joy, we had fun,
We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed
Were just seasons out of time

All our lives, we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the hill that we reached
Were just starfish on the beach

Goodbye, michelle, my little one
"I was the apple of the shiny sun.
And I have loved you every week
All my tears are salty
I think that now I will start to leave"

We had joy, we had fun,
We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed
Were just seasons out of time

We had joy, we had fun,
We had seasons in the sun
But the hill on the beach
Were just starfish on the beach.

We had joy, we had fun,
We had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed
Were just seasons out of time

I've had joy, we had fun,
We had seasons in the sun
But the stars that we reached
Were just starfish on the beach.

Volume 10: Life Is For The Lifeless

2009-09-17T22:11:00.000-07:00

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

What a fucking dilemma! Everything I enjoy is killing me but, without such things my existence has no meaning.

I will keep distilling the life that's inside of me. Being full of life is "feeling hollow". Therefore I shall remain lifeless until I am lifeless.

Volume 09: Adam Before Eve

2009-08-31T14:26:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the dark in the middle of nowhere,
The sounds of frogs, owls, crickets and wolves disturb my nights sleep,
Mosquitos suck my blood for their short lifespan,
The rain has made my bed bearable to sleep in,
But the raindrops and the cold are unbearable.

Who put me in this situation?,
What is the meaning of my existing?,
Why was I created to suffer?,
When will it end? Better yet, how do I end this?

Volume 08: Love, Sex & Pain

2009-08-19T20:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not like them but I can prentend.

Others misery make me happy.

I'm not looking for us,
and neither should you,
you won't find yourself,
in these guilty eyes.

I don't know why I'm so fucking cold,
all I wanna do is get with you and make the pain go away.

How did it start?
well I don't know,
I just feel the craving,
I see the flesh and it smells fresh and it's just there for the taking.

Feed me your love with your nude body,
let me drain it all away,
I will dive in and take everything from the inside,
and throw it all away.

I will wrap my body,
in other women's arms.
make love in a hurry,
feel better than I am.

Your feelings,
I can't help but rape them,
I'm sorry, I don't feel the same,
my heart inside is constantly hating,
I'm sorry, I just throw you away.

You're just one of many who broke their heart on me.

The only thing I love is the comfort in being sad.

Volume 07: Journalism

2009-08-08T21:08:00.000-07:00

Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.

Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.

Writing isn’t about making money, getting famous, getting dates, getting laid, or making friends. In the end, it’s about enriching the lives of those who will read your work, and enriching your own life, as well. It’s about getting up, getting well, and getting over. Getting happy, okay? Getting happy.

Volume 05: My Favorite Sin

2009-07-15T17:55:00.000-07:00

Beneath the white sky, we are merely... Tiny, wretched and helpless.

You lie beneath the lie that is your faith.

All your devotion is caused by your shameful pleasure.

You do nothing that is not inside of yourself. The things that you and others can boast of are boring.

Boring humans, are merely getting drunk on the power of "God", because it's terrible knowing nothing.

Withing you, there is nothing but desire. You want to make things sullied. You want things to be made sullied. Both yourself and others. Both the flesh and the mind.

Such dark, dark desire, that's all.

Within you there is no unpleasant God.

Trust in me, this is the only thing that is certain.

You are too far from "God".

Volume 04: Love

2009-07-13T16:28:00.000-07:00

You're a head case with a smile,
Can't stop to make up your mind,
You're a loose girl, I'm a guy
You're a truth freak with a lie.

The truth hurts so bad, wouldn't you say?
So why tell it?

Lie, lie to my face,
Tell me it ain't no thing,
That's what I wanna hear.

If ignorance is bliss, then I'm in,
Heaven now.

Young, dumb, don't see a problem.

Simple as this; I'm in love with the risk,
I know what I've done,
But tell me what did I miss?

Don't wanna follow the laws of man
Bloody apron, leg of lamb
It's so hard to win
When there's so much to lose

From the moment you said "why haven't you kissed me yet?",
I knew i'd wipe that paint from your lips,
I stare the lids off your eyes, gone down on your dirty mind,
& end up between you hips,
Handfuls of sweat tangled hair, anytime, anywhere,
I wanna lick you too much baby.

Open up your mouth,
Touch your lips to mine,
That we may make a kiss that can pierce through death & survive,
Your words have branded my mind.

If only you could stay forever.

Volume 03: Only One Thing Is For Certain

2009-07-12T18:57:00.000-07:00

Is there any kind of transcendental "Law" or "Hand Of God"... Which presides over human destiny in this world? Either way, Man has no chance to control even it's own will.

Even if a fish jumps... That cannot change the flow of the river.

You will be born, go through every emotion at it's peak, then die.

Volume 02: Lights & Shadows

2009-07-08T17:02:00.000-07:00

The thicker the light, the thicker the shadow.

I have been lost down every path I follow.

I feel the same but, I'm better now.

If all we are are dust and shades of grey,
How are we to say are we all alone?
Why do we still feel empty?

Volume 01: Humans, Life & Others

2009-07-03T18:25:00.000-07:00

People who get caught in others' battles are fools who lack the strenght to live...

If I have to worry about the ants I crush beneath my feet, I couldn't even walk around.

If one can't live their life the way they want, they might as well die.

Humans are weak, and we die easily but, not matter how weak we are, no matter how much we're tortured or trample upon, no matter how much pain we feel, we still want to live.