Thinking of my 99 problems as I smoke this one joint, Knowing 98 of them will be gone once I put the right man on gun point. Thoughts constantly reach me in different voices, all saying the same things, using antonyms. Thoughts as scrambled as Maynard's puzzle. Take another puff to the upcoming nights I look forward to not remembering. The more I escape reality, the more my screws are tightening. Frightening, half the time I don't understand what's happening, as I make others miserable just so I can smile again.
I had no choice but to avert my eyes from everything and maintain silence while turning a deaf ear to everything.
I'm not trying to disrespect you, I'm just focused on the things I like to do. Unlike you who's not half as passionate about the things you're into. You know I have artistic tendencies and that takes my time.
I don't mean to offend you, and I don't know why, it is difficult to admit that I miss you, and I don't know why we argue, and why I want to say I'm sorry, but I never do. This is painfully honest. The truth has risks, but so do lies.
I don't mean to get you mad, but I just hang with my friends. I'm not misbehaving, I'm faithful, its just difficult to hit you up. Everyday, I'm busy today.
It is just difficult loving you as I don't like you a a lot.
All my life, I have been mostly neutral, but from time to time I would lean towards the Dark Side. The Dark Side offered me personal gain at the cost of others misery, I didn't really know the others so I happily accepted. I never completely turned. Just took the offers that benefited me and no one else.
Recently a Jedi has entered my life. This Jedi has been trying to teach me "the right way" to use my manipulation of the force. Using my power for mutual benefits.
I remembered using my powers for mutual benefits before and not being satisfied with the results. I used my powers for good for 4 years and it ended in my lightsaber turning from green to blue to red, instantly. It took me some time after that to turn my lightsaber from blue to the very rare green lightsaber I hold today.
A few months after I started talking to the Jedi, a Sith appeared. This, this does not surprise me at all, but it is creating a conflict. The Sith is offering me everything I love from the Dark Side. Something I am very comfortable with. Never did my force nor lightsaber change by the influence of the Dark Side or a Sith, but the Light Side has made me changed dramatically and instantly.
I sit in my quarters seeing both holograms as I decide what path to follow.
You always felt close no matter how far you really are. I saw beams of sun lights between the night sky as our voices kept getting us closer to another, I felt your breath as you whispered in my ear, but then the thought of love revealed the distance between us, The lights between the clouds vanished and you didn't care, There were no more whispers, Only yelling and sad voices in my head, Screaming at me all whilst having a big smile. I felt a sudden comfort, as I have been here before, And judging by your beautiful smile as you screamed some more, so have you. No matter how loud the yelling got, it was like sweet birds chirping in the morning. I tried to get you to fly away, but apparently you was unable to. No injuries and wings in perfect conditions as if they have never been used before. Grabbed you from the ground and threw you in the air, but you fell straight down, Didn't even try to flap your wings, As if you were afraid of heights. Frustrated whilst smirking at the irony I replicated the pleasing sound of anger, Suddenly your wings started flapping, so I gave you more. My heart smiled as you flew and landed on my shoulders, We smiled as we left this far behind with just a scar on our souls. A new journey begun as you lifted me by the shoulders and we blazed through the sky, To other places, to destroy others...
In the middle of nowhere I stood,
Seeing the same thing I see everyday,
Doing the nothing I do on a daily basis,
A non meaningful co-existence,
Even when seeing or doing something new,
It was the routine of new for a second,
I learned to not pay attention,
First my own feelings died,
Followed by my vicarious side.
Confusion was the first feeling re-awakened,
A repeated new that broke my non-attention span,
I almost smiled before realizing that's dumb,
And it was dismissed, as I dismissed myself.
This is no longer new,
But an evasion into my co-existence,
Why do you keep coming here?
Why do you think I'm so wonderful?
Everything that's not accepted,
Everything that disgust the world around me,
Is what you want from me.
Now you stand next to me,
In the middle of nowhere,
Giving life to nothingness,
Feeding me your poison,
I know it may hurt me soon,
But it is worth the unknown time we'll remain here,
With your head on my shoulders as we watch the moon.
I believe this the first essay type entry on my blog. It's about the life long question many have asked themselves "Why are people more attracted to me when I am taken?". I THINK I have a general understanding as into why this happens and would like to share.
After years of observing the behaviors of others and my own. I noticed small details we overlook when we are single and when we are taken.
In men the keys are behavior and maintainance. In general guys behavior are different when they are single from when they're with someone. Single men often seem mildly desperate or too into chicks, while the ones that are taken are more laid back and will not look at women like a tiger sees steak. And from what I've noticed women are more into a little challenge and are not very fond of what comes easy when it comes to relationships.
Maintainance... Guys in general, real men, don't really give a fuck about how they look. If we could look like cavemen and still attract women, we would. So while we are single we only care when it's necessary, if we are going out, when a friend tells us we deseperately need it, ect (ended constructive thinking)... They say in general women like for their man to be presentable and that a healthy relationship involves seeing your partner at least 3 to 4 times a week. Therefore, a guy that is taken keeps himself looking as fresh as possible, hence more women noticing his appereance.
Add to the 2 factors above the fact that women love prohibit fruit and can't stand seeing another woman happy; and kazaaam you are a man wanted by the ladies.
Now about women. Women always have someone trying to be with them one way or another, no matter how ugly or fat they are, there will always be someone willing to be with them. So I say women only say men are more attracted to them when they have someone, due to them not being into the guys that were into them when they were single, and when they do find the one that's good for them, they notice all the other options they put to the side.
My generation respects no one, Not even ourselves, A generation full of strong personalities, And the ones that counterfeit themselves, Counterfeits sell themselves, With each sell they're devalued to their true worth, The strong, are in general... Minorities, Our previous generation is closeminded and the upcoming is lost, But those who criticize our generation, forgot who raised it.
You have the choice if friends, loved ones, careers, material, music... Amongst others.
When you are single, you will receive a Set of people to choose from,
When you are poor, every now and then you will have extra cash and a Set of things to choose from, such as; "Which debt should I pay first?" or "What should I buy?"
These are just 2 out of countless examples...
You are the Director of your life, limited by your producer of course
And not every Director has the privilege of has his own Special Director's Cut Edition in life,
Every choice taken in life will lead to another choice, another regret and another "What If?"
One flight, New land, Old crush, New love, Sperm donor, Bastard child, Many issues, No money, Welfare checks, Not enough, Ambitious child, Starts hustling, Learned quick, Made connections, Crooked cop, Favorite uncle, More wisdom, Longer money, Issues hidden, First enemies, New drama, Issue solved, No drama, Stupid teenager, Loves shinning, Unsaved money, Big grinding, Many bitches, Still unhappy, Business falls, Short money, Few bitches, Double issues, Leaves country, New life, Issues followed, Views life, Better understanding, Real friends, Better life, No love, Many hoes, Hustling visas, False hopes, Broken hearts, New hobby, Goes dark, Always surrounded, Still lonely, Forgot love, Became allergic, Takes risks, Loves danger, Can't find, Others suffer, He smiles, Problematic child.
I wish you were stuck up a tree, Then you'd know it's nicer below, Don't know any lullabies, I Don't know how to make you mine but, I can learn, Most of our lives we try so hard to find the time, You suffered then, now suffer unto me, Hear the wind whispering my name, You can run away leaving everything behind but, You should look back twice, Just to be on the safe side, No harm will come of this one little midnight kiss, In a big, big way, I am really small, I get off my feet, But I'm still distant, I wont care for you, Like I'm really supposed to, There are things I'll do, That could really hurt you, Don't you just love goodbyes?
There is no such thing as absolute happiness as there is nothing that is forever, There are just happy moments, Friends will come and go, Relationships will all fail eventually, Objects will get old &/or forgotten, Your sex drive will die before you do (If you make it to such age), Your seeds will disappoint you constantly.
Life for the most part is a routine, Therefore enjoy all the moments you are able to get off that routine and make you smile but, Always remember those moments as they are buried in the past and will not repeat themselves, Let nothing stand in the way of creating new memories of your limited happiness, I mean absolutely nothing...
...Death to all those whom dare to make you stay in the infinite routine loop of life.
Learn from your "friends" best traits as eventually either side will move on to a different path in life, Do not love anything that cannot love you back &/or will eventually stop loving you (Love is like crack it is a first time experience that you will never re-live and you are an idiot if you choose to do so, Make your home your castle! If you are not comfortable in your home, you will not be comfortable in the world, Stop listening to the unnecessary and leave behind does whom don't agree.
The one's you've created, Have lost their smile, Can't seem to find their way, Said you'd show them how, So I played my part, Then you played me foul, You killed the lost ones, And re-created a forced smile, Put the blood on my sleeves, Told them not to take my hand, Then your mistakes started to repeat, So you re-created adding more blood to your sleeves, That I will be blamed for with your smile.
During the midst of your ignorance your seed was born, gave him minimum powers and left him to be, If you did this to your own child, There no hope for humanity, Watching as he was tortured you gave up on existence, Left me the dirty work to me, Left us 10 impossible laws to follow, Who'd knew the all mighty was so hollow.
So sad you could stay forever, Won't you guide us... Since only you could stay forever, So sad you could stay forever, Please come fix your mistake... Since only you could stay forever, So sad you could stay forever, Watching us walk towards a dead end with your hands crossed... But only you could stay forever.
She is a seed living beneath the soil, A seed who rejects water to never spring, She is affraid of the world that lies above her, Will she spring into a beautiful sunflower beneath the shiny sun? Or will she be a small tree in the darkest Forrest?
Within the soil that sorround her she does not have to worry about such things, But is this a better way to live? Yes she is avoiding getting hurt but, at the same time she is unable to find happiness.
As time passes the water in this world is more polluted, And places where mother earth is still elegant are ceasing to exist, So please little seed drink the water I give you, I shall put you in a vessel and carry you with me at all times, Showing you the little happiness and the beauty this earth has to offer.
I was wrong, When you was away, I just hoped that you were alright, I just prayed that you would survive, That's all, I thought that all I needed was to hold you, But... I was wrong!
Just holding you, Won't make up, For the time I left you alone, It's impossible to make up for that, The time I lost myself, The time I left her alone, I went away from her.
I am defeated, By the helplessness of one person, When was..., The last time she smiled?
Will the end be dead or will it be the path into happiness? Should I acelerate or do a u-turn? Not advancing either way is hurtful, But so is making a decision.
I wonder if I’ll never be free, But the thought of choosing the wrong road, And you Goin with another guy, Could it never be me?
Take the wheel and drive me to the end, I'm your passenger, Hope and pray you won’t throw this love away, I just wish that you were mine.
Your light shined into the comfort of my darkness, Blinding the bats that have protected my heart, Each bat slowly unhinged their jaw, As they were blinded by your light, As they were being bothered by the light, They started flying elsewhere, Creating a painful relief, Your bittersweet lies blinded them, scared them, Confusing me with a warm tingly sensation, Your light took my sight, my speech, my hearing and my soul, It became the life that I must feel, Deep down inside I felt a scream but, this terrible feeling stopped me, As I woke up I couldn't see that there's not much left of me, Nothing was real but you, At that moment your light vanished, The bats regained their conscience, Then marched their way back to my heart, This time biting me harder, promising to never let another light shine into my heart, With each bite I was brought back to the comfort of my darkness...
Goodbye my friend, it's hard to die When all the birds are singing in the sky And all the flowers are everywhere Pretty girls are everywhere "Think of me and I'll be there."
Goodbye, papa, please pray for me I was the black sheep of the family "I don't know all these words I have bought three turds With my BB-gun I would kill birds"
We had joy, we had fun, We had seasons in the sun But the hills that we climbed Were just seasons out of time
All our lives, we had fun We had seasons in the sun But the hill that we reached Were just starfish on the beach
Goodbye, michelle, my little one "I was the apple of the shiny sun. And I have loved you every week All my tears are salty I think that now I will start to leave"
We had joy, we had fun, We had seasons in the sun But the hills that we climbed Were just seasons out of time
We had joy, we had fun, We had seasons in the sun But the hill on the beach Were just starfish on the beach.
We had joy, we had fun, We had seasons in the sun But the hills that we climbed Were just seasons out of time
I've had joy, we had fun, We had seasons in the sun But the stars that we reached Were just starfish on the beach.
Sitting in the dark in the middle of nowhere, The sounds of frogs, owls, crickets and wolves disturb my nights sleep, Mosquitos suck my blood for their short lifespan, The rain has made my bed bearable to sleep in, But the raindrops and the cold are unbearable.
Who put me in this situation?, What is the meaning of my existing?, Why was I created to suffer?, When will it end? Better yet, how do I end this?
Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.
Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.
Writing isn’t about making money, getting famous, getting dates, getting laid, or making friends. In the end, it’s about enriching the lives of those who will read your work, and enriching your own life, as well. It’s about getting up, getting well, and getting over. Getting happy, okay? Getting happy.
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